My AJ started preschool today (2nd year). He is so easy going and loved it. Maddie is off track and insisted on being the one to walk him to the door.We went camping this weekend with the ward. I wouldn't normally go by myself with 4 small children, but I felt obligated to help since I am on the committee and the kids haven't gone camping this year. My mom came with me and was a huge help. It did rain most of the time but we still had fun. I don't think I would do it for more than one night...can anyone actually sleep with 4 kids in a tent on the hard ground worrying the whole night if the kids are warm enough...
AJ and Maddie found this stick shaped like a "Y" and the brainwashed BYU kids that they are, thought of their daddy:)
I put together a treasure hunt for the ward kids and had a lot of dum dums at the end...
He LOVES his sister when she shares:)
There was this hill that we pretended was Pride Rock from Lion King. It was actually my idea and held Carson off the edge like Rafiki did with Simba and they instantly made it theirs:)
He is all about the squash! I have tried a couple foods but he usually just has my milk right now. When I gave him the squash he wanted the whole jar:)
This is Aj's walking dinosaur that he is fascinated with. It chomps at him and he gets pretty excited:)
As for me, I officially lost my baby weight but still don't feel like things fit as well as they used too. Some days are good for me and others aren't so good. My weight is usually the same but my attitude about myself isn't always. Some may know I have a past of depression and anxiety and it stems from an obsession with perfection. I know as women we all want to feel attractive and even sexy. I just took it to an extreme as a teenager. I mention this now because it has been something on my mind a lot lately. I have had 3 therapists, countless self help books, medicated for about 8 years (Iam med free for 3 years now), and I have a whole team of crazy in my head:) I spent a lot of time on my knees praying to feel that inner peace and accept myself no matter what and really thought I accomplished that. Then I start comparing myself with someone or one more person in my close family gets something tucked or added to their bodies and I go down hill for a while and it takes a lot of self talk and prayers to get me back up again. That happened recently. Again. I have tried to evaluate why I care so much about what others do or believe. Part of me is confused because I have been raised in the same beliefs as them. In a religion that urges their members to respect their bodies as temples and not add tattoos or even a 2nd piercing, how are members justifying surgeries that completely change their bodies? We even had one of our leaders speak about it at General Conference about 5 years ago, urging women to accept themselves and avoid these drastic measures. I remember it clearly because that is the same year the women closest to me had such surgeries.You would be surprised the amount of ordinary women all around you who have done it. Why? Because we feel inadequate compared to the women of the world. We are taught to be in the world, but not of the world, but it is hard to not get caught up in in all.
I also think it upsets me because I want it so bad. It's like a drug to me-this obsession. I've had 4 kids, I have things that I would love to change. I could justify that it would help me love myself if I got some work done. Then I would be happy. But I have worked too hard to get where I am. I have focused years on loving myself completely as a Daughter of God and if I change that body, I would have lost the battle. One of my main goals as a mother is to teach my children as they are young to accept themselves and to know their worth. I couldn't look them in the eyes if I changed myself nor could I love my inner self if I went through with it. But I want it. And because of that reason I spend more time on my knees these days and in the temple reminding myself who I really am. Lately I have had little glimpses in others blogs or on facebook that remind me that I am a mother and my body was created for that purpose and I should embrace that gift. I had no intention of writing this tonight, but it is late and I am sleep deprived:) but most importantly I know that there are women all around me that feel inadequate and oftentimes we think that the other person doesn't feel the same way. So if it makes anyone feel any better tonight, I am a mess of insecurities:)
This helped me tonight to put things in perspective. http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHDvxPjsm8E&feature=player_embedded
5 comments:
I can't believe how fast your kids are growing up. It's just like last week you had AJ and now he's in school and now Carson is almost 6 months. I want you to know that I love the way you are*HUGS*
I hope this makes you feel better: I'm still about 20 lbs away from my goal weight after having Kyler.
We've both had 4 kids, I had Kyler a week before you & still have 20 pounds to go. Compare yourself to me & you'll feel much better about yourself! I wish I could lose it & feel depressed more than I want to about the whole thing. I'm seriously sooo happy for you & your ability to lose weight so easily; even though your body doesn't feel the same at least you are closer than I am. I appreciate your honesty! I feel the same as you much of the time!
I feel the same way! I've only had 2 kids, my youngest is 3 1/2 & I struggle all the time with my weight. Where in reality I know I still look good, I want to be where I was before I even had them. Then the smarter side of me shows up & says that will never happen, because I'm not a teenager anymore, babies change your body & for the better in a lot of ways & I need to accept it & go on with life & just make me the best me of today, not from 10 years ago. You just need to remember that even some of the so-called most beautiful women on earth are insecure about themselves in one way or another, we all are. Just not everyone admits to it. I personally think you are gorgeous & have envied you many times for that. I hope you can realize that too!
Oh my goodness Carson is so cute. I remember that blue and white shirt on Eli. Wow your little guy is growing. Wow girl I do not know how you did it. That is a good thing your mom went with you camping. That is so cute how A.J is growing up and going to preschool what a smart boy he is. Your such a great mom and your beautiful.
You are so beautiful Tiff I just also wanted to share that with you! I feel very insecure about myself. I struggle all the time. I have been depressed, emotional, you name it. I do pray contentiously it helps at times. I understand completely on surgery thing and changing your body it is because the world has taught this fathom that we all have to be perfect can't be to fat or to skinny or can't be to flat gotta have a chest. Even kids are effected. This is a daily struggle or can be because it is all around us. That remembering you are a child of God is not good enough. That we have to be more and perfect to be happy. In all reality if we do change are bodies or have some type of surgery it is still us inside. That has not changed. The end it is just temporary. But who are we to say it won't help those who struggle with there image. All I can say is we are born they way we are and are given struggles for a reason to grow and learn to except ourselves. I am just rambling on I am sorry for going off on a tangent. But I don't want you to feel insecure you are a beautiful women. I admire you for all you do. I hope that i can be a strong women just as you are. Thanks for being a good example and you are God's light he shines right through you. Always remember that.
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