Mammograms and Garage Doors

      Despite the title of this post, I am really encouraging mammograms:) I am educating on what to expect for all of you who know you need it done but have put it off. I am also going to tell you a funny story. One of those stories that are only funny AFTER it happens.
    
 I don't know if it is a day to consider memorable, but it was my first mammogram. I didn't really think about the procedure long enough to worry about it. It was the results of the mammogram that I am concerned about. I have had a lump, mass, fatty tissue...whatever you want to call it, for 4 years now. My theory is that if it hasn't killed me yet, then it isn't cancer. Don't get me wrong, I have had it it looked at and had 2 ultrasounds already to be cautious. The next step was a mammogram.

     I don't know what is a worse thought when you think of mammogram. The pain may come to mind, or perhaps the fact that you are naked from the top up in front of a stranger who is positioning you on a machine. Awkward. My secret is to not look at myself but to keep on talking to the nurse. I have to praise the nurse (not sure what their official title is) for keeping me completely distracted and also pretty comfortable in a pretty awkward situation. I look back and realize that she probably didn't care about what was going on with my kids sports events or my hobbies, but in the moment I needed that distraction. The whole staff at Jordan Valleys breast care center were impressive.
      
When I first walked in the room wearing my fancy cape shirt, she said that I may have heard the mammogram being compared to a garage door being slammed on you. I had never heard that until that moment actually, and I told her so. I am barely 30 and mammograms aren't really something we discuss in my circle:) But at that moment I started thinking about a garage door being slammed on my chest...
      
The nurse told me where to stand and told me what she was going to do and positioned it where it needed to be. One of the awkward things is that you have to be so close to the machine so your body and head are kind of pushed up against this machine and then the nurse is right next to you and you hope your breath is not too awful. Then she goes over to her computer and says "stop breathing", while she takes the picture. The "stop breathing" is the beginning of the "funny" part of the story.
       
I have to explain first that the mammogram is the 3rd doctor appointment I had had that week. I have been sick for about 12 weeks now and have been though a few doctors and tests in that time trying to figure out why. Constant nausea, lightheaded and dizziness are a few of the symptoms. Plus I have never been able to stand for long periods of time without getting sick. So it is time for the last picture and at this point I am barely making it through without needing to vomit and so I am taking deep breaths. As she positions me in I notice this one is a lot snugger than the others and actually pretty uncomfortable and I am barely getting small breaths in. My vision starts going funny and my knees get weak and I tell myself  'it only takes a few seconds and you will be done' . At that moment though she says "one minute, just waiting on the computer". It reminded me of a scene on Megamind and I would have laughed if I could breath. As she says "stop breathing" I held my breath and saw a lot of darkness take over my vision. I iamgined a garage door coming down...But in that instant the nurse released me and I was free to breath deep and spend the next 10 minutes with my head between my knees. It makes me laugh now to think how funny it would be to pass out and being held up completely by your boob:)
  
 I have to point out, so as not to discourage you from getting a mammo(as they call it), that I didn't pass out from the procedure but just being so dizzy and sick before. It was uncomfortable, but not really painful. And it is only about 10 seconds from clamp down to release. Plus, most people go in for a routine mammo that may not even do this particular angle. But I had to get a picture of the mass and that was the best angle.
    
The best part, after another ultrasound and 2 more people groping me and asking me questions, I was told that although they aren't completely sure why the fatty tissue is there, it appears to be just that, and not cancer. The best way to keep track of any growth is to get another mammogram in 6 mths to compare it with the first. Although it was an interesting day, I don't stress at all in going back, putting on my cool cape shirt, and going in for the squeeze:)